Behold -- It's Miggie's Grammy Review!

Hold on to your knickers.

1.- The Show

- Beyonce wins after performing. Shockah!
- Andre 3000's eloquent "Thank You" is the stuff the Oscar producers dream of.
- Are all the female country singers going pop now? Martina, Faith Hill, La Twain, Dixie Chicks... they're not that country anymore, are they? Not my favorite genre, but still. I liked it more when we saw the people from the "O Brother, Where Art Thou" soundtrack performing.
- I felt bad for Justin Timberlake having to apologize YET AGAIN when he won his Grammy.
- Man, Madonna looked really cute last night with her hot pink dress and her black booties.
- Yoko Ono: "In the beginning, there was the Beatles." Then she appeared. Dig the irony.
- I'm sorry, but Paul McCartney gets more and more annoying each time I see him.
- Evanescence. Hey, Amy Lee, you're in a *band.* Wait for them before you walk on the stage, woman. Oh, 50 Cent made me laugh out loud when he went to the stage to congratulate them and Amy looked all scared. DORK. Heh. (Also, picture me out of the loop, but where is Ben Moody? You know, the tall, blonde, Norwegian-looking one? Did they kick him out of the band? He was cute.)
- Samuel L. Jackson is the coolest man who ever lived.
- Jason Alexander and Snoop Dogg. 'Nuff said.
- Whee, Coldplay won best recording of the year for "Clocks"! Too bad I'm still not talking to Chris Martin for breeding with Gwyneth Paltrow.
- OZZY!
- Win An Eclair: How many facelifts has Andy Williams had?
- I had nightmares with Erika Badhu's hair.
- Metallica good, Napster baaaaaaad.
- Is it me, of was Faith Hill grossed out by Outkast?
- These lazy asses couldn't put the previous winners at the sides when we were going to commercials like they've done in previous years? Now all they did was "log on to grammy.com to find out the winners." The other winners deserve to be on TV, too, you bastards.

2.- The Performances

So, we had a 5-minute delay, yes? We also had the worst sound in the history of the Grammys. Not to mention missed cues and wild camera shots. Not pretty.

- Beyonce and Prince were nice. She was great doing her Tina Turner kinda thing.
- Vince Gill, Pharell, Dave Matthews and Sting were really sweet. Too bad we couldn't listen to Vince Gill's voice or guitar, so the whole song sounded really, really out of tune and tempo.
- Christina Aguilera blew me away. I'm not a fan of hers, but I was happy to focus on her voice and performance for once, instead of her skanky ho fashion.
- The White Stripes. Rocked the fuck ON. WOW.
- Martina McBride was your standard pop country singer with a ballad. Not very impressive.
- Alicia Keys can sing. But she can't dress. Also, props to Celine Dion for overcoming the worst technical glitches ever. Bad mic, no audio return, horrid volume on second microphone... she came out of it pretty well.
- Sting and Sean Paul were an unusual pair, but I think they made an interesting version of the song. Too bad you couldn't listen to the backup singers sing "Roxaaaaane..." because the audio was CRAP.
- Justin Timberlake and Arturo Sandoval kicked some major ass. Really, really awesome performance. Highly energetic.
- The Black Eyed Peas were also excellent. And when I saw the girl on that green outfit, I felt really, really flabby.
- Beyonce. Again. Yes, again. Overworking the notes, showing us she can sing, blahblahblah. And then the dove. I bet she was thinking "top that, bitches!" ;)
- The Church of Eternal Funk (aka The Funk Collective) was quite, er, something. But somehow I can't get out of my head the mugshot of George Clinton from The Smoking Gun.
- The Foo Fighters (with Chick Corea And His Enigmatic Denim Bathrobe) made me get all fangirly.
- Sarah McLachlan. Such a pretty song. Such a horrible hairstyle. Cut it! Lighten it!
- I don't know about you, but I think Warren Zevon got shortchanged on that homage. Billy Bob Thornton was about to pass out from sheer boredom there.
- If only Andre 3000 had had better sound there at the end, that band would have been much more better. Good finale, methinks. I think nobody got the native-american-galactic theme, but whatever. They got the Album of the Year, neneer.

3.- The Fashion

Overall comment: I know Heineken paid big $$$ to make the red carpet green, but did they pay the people as well? Everyone was wearing green last night.

- Oh my God! Mary J. Blige killed Big Bird!
- Beyonce. She looked nice and lovely and stuff.
- Sting in a kilt was yummy. Or was that a skirt? I don't know if it still counts as a kilt if you're not wearing tartan, but a silky fabric. Anyway.
- JC Chasez. He finally dressed up as a man, opossed to the awful rags he usually wears to these things. And I love him, but I really disliked him on the interviews he gave yesterday. Probably he wasn't on his best day, but what a dickhead, really.
- Joe Perry is the sex. And Steven Tyler looked nice as well, though I am starting to think he and Steven Cojocauru are long-lost brothers.
- Queen Latifah is so gorgeous she makes me cry.
- Sean Astin. Do you get cuter than this? I don't think so.
- For the first time in our lifetime, we could see a dress of Christina Aguilera where we can't actually see her clitoral piercing. Shockah!
- John Mayer,
cut your hair. And just because you're emo it doesn't mean you can't smile every now and then.
- Lil' Kim's nose is two surgeries away from Michael Jackson's. Who cares about her dress? She's always skanky.
- The Osbournes looked very good, especially Jack (sure sign of the apocalypse). As far as the Queer Eye guys go, Kyan is ok, Carson is a total Liberace disgrace and Thom Filicia makes me wish I was a gay man, because DAMN! *dryhumps* ;)