For the last two weeks at work we've been putting together a logistics program for the arrival of three Big Kahunas from Switzerland. Hotel, arrival, secutity vehicles, bodyguards -- the works. It's been quite stressful but satisfying because we've been honed up perfectly.

The first guy was scheduled to arrive today at 2:18pm. He didn't. The protocol people at the airport looked EVERYWHERE for him, the transportation guys were getting antsy, and out travel agency was worried -- the airline even let them check the passenger list for the flight he was supposed to arrived in, but zip. Zero. Nada. Guy had vanished in thin air. Me? I was about to call the cops. Everybody was in "Where The Fuck Is This Guy" mode. Horrible.

Thankfully the president's assistant called me and told me he had spoken with this particular Kahuna's secretary in the Alps.

What happened? Well, he changed his flight at the last minute "for personal reasons", and he'll arrive in 20 minutes.

Mother. Fucker.

Hasn't these people heard about phone? E-mail? Fax? If this guy knows we're almost throwing a red carpet on the airport for him, the least he can do is LET US KNOW he'll arrive late, don't you think? Simple courtesy. That's all I'm saying. And his secretary is another useless bitch as well.

And those other two fuckers better arrive in time this afternoon, or I'll go all Kill Bill on them.

ETA: The fuckers arrived in time.