Ladies and gents, I present you
Queer Eye For The Fandom Guy.
An excerpt, featuring Captain Jack Sparrow:
JACK: Where is the rum?
TED: Rum -- you know, rum's nice in a piņa colada or something like that, but it's a little downscale, and if you'll just consider --
JACK (pulls out musket): We'll be putting the rum back, mate.
TED: And the rum goes back.
Hee.